To assist me in developing The Magic of Imagination to be the best I can do, I’m engaged in a year long transformation preparation, including a Transformative Studies program offered by The Intelligent Optimist. The course is focused on developing oneself to the next level and we course mates, are a close group, working and sharing our challenges, feelings, etc., together.
One of my colleagues, A.S. posted this and here’s my response. I’m sharing this (with permission) to illustrate we all share similar feelings: be they fears, sorrows, triumphs and/or joys.
A. S. wrote:
I fear that I won’t fit in. It’s an old feeling that has not had the change to evaporate yet even at 48 years of age.
Now that you all and everything is coming together to the point we are supposed to work to something concrete a project I go blank. All the posts between you all beautiful people who are so open and dare to be so vulnerable scare the hell out of me. What am I thinking? What can I possible contribute to all these self aware intellectual courageous people?
About a week ago I suddenly I felt resistance reading. Big resistance. Everybody going so good. Why? for crying out loud? All the lovely posts the friendly words. Because I was not part of it. I was lost. My words… where were they what could I say how could I find them? All such good ideas and so enthusiastic the responses. Is anybody waiting for my response. my words so small.
I fear I will give up and then regret it immediately. I fear my words have no real contribution but for me and is that good enough? Maybe. I fear I am not ready, never ready. I fear to completely show myself. My not knowing small self that has this big wish to mean something, that feels the urge to think and connect all in ways never thought of before…with you, others where I’ll fit in.
My head spins around and around and it is like all my ideas have melted into a ball of fire where I can’t get my hands on. (yet). Do I need to burn them? Just do it!?
I also feels like all is slipping through my hands. Stay here!! I know this (old) feeling. It is a pattern so will not, can not give up. I have to work this out. That is why I am here.
I feel I need to apologize for my childish thoughts and it costs me quite a lot of effort to post this but I think I should. I guess I need to. For me. In the end.
My response to A. S.:
Your comment on fear is timely. The other day, I saw my project wasn’t approved, it wasn’t even the close to approval stage. Immediately, my uninvited guest (an old fear I didn’t invite and don’t want) was rolling around my head – ‘I’m not good enough’ was visiting me again.
This time, it was about my project – something very important to me. Suddenly, up pops Fear/s close friend and ally: ‘it’s not me – it’s them’ and whatever I do is not going to be good enough!
My story is ending on a happy note. I chose to recognize my fears as the uninvited guest they were, and had them removed. How? I recognized them as thoughts. They’re not physical, They can’t hurt me, The only power they have is the power I give them and I can choose to update them with a new thought – I am acknowledged, accepted and loved. It’s not as easy as it sounds but it works. Will you give it a try and see what you think?
A. S., if/when next time you begin to feel alone, I invite you to visualize me and know You are not alone.
Your comments, questions and responses invariably open pathways to explore and feelings of connection. You inspire me and I appreciate and love you.
To you who are reading this post now, I want to restate that all of us, at all levels of life, are experiencing similar feelings but feeling we’re the only one, all alone while everyone else is smarter or better and have it all together. Wrong! We’re in this together, and in assimilating/practicing Our Prime Directive (unconditionally acknowledging, accepting – non-judgmentally – and being vulnerable, compassionate, sharing, encouraging and loving ourselves, everyone and everything), we overcome our sense of separation.
Many of us are reluctant, concerned that if we are compassionate and vulnerable, we’re opening ourselves to being hurt. It’s not compassion or vulnerability that is the problem, pain comes from our sense of attachment. We take things personal and accept it’s us, when it’s not. If you haven’t already see the post on Don’t Take It Personally for a deeper look and understanding of how to be compassionate and vulnerable yet protect yourself from emotional wounds.
I invite you to be skeptical, don’t take my word for it – try for yourself. Meanwhile, receive comforting empowerment from either or both of these two songs. Some prefer one over the other; I like them both.
Just The Way I Am from Be The Magnificent You (Disc 1)
Plenty Good Enough from Be The Magnificent You (Disc 1)
(This and 3 other posts were updated 10/14/15 for the purpose of renaming “Our Prime Directive” to The Emerging Awareness Code – TEAC for short – (to reflect our position of Guide, versus one who issues directives) and allow for it’s emergence to become a code with principals that assist one in experiencing a effortlessly joyful, passionate and loving life.
The Emerging Awareness Code is Effortlessly living with Non-Attachment, while Unconditionally Acknowledging, Non-Judgmentally Accepting, Being Kind, Vulnerable, Compassionate and Gratefully Sharing, Encouraging and Loving Our Self, Everyone and Everything.